I have a little secret that after this post it won’t be a secret any more.

I have a fear of being a failure. A loser.

I think it stems from being overwhelmed and at more times than not unorganized. I have this feeling that I’m racing against this big stopwatch that is my “life” and soon the timer is going to go off and I’m not going to be finished.

I have had my share of loser/failure moments.

1. In elementary school I was the slowest person in PE. I remember always being last in all of the fitness tests.
2. In high school I tried out for the cheerleader squad and I didn’t make it- cut in the first round .
3. My senior year of high school I was in a relationship with a guy that could have been part of ISIS- I was terrorized for 3 years and nobody knew.
4. See #3 I dropped out of college.
5. Worked weird odd jobs- like delivering delinquent reports of people who were behind on their property taxes to a company that was headquartered on a nudist colony up in the mountains.
6. Finally got a “good” job at IBM and one day I just quit- no notice-
7. Started a chocolate brownie business with a friend, everything was going good and then due to a host of complications we closed the business.
8. Started interior design school, took a bajillion classes, but never finished the program.
9. Started a home decor business and after a couple of years it fizzled.
   

   Gigi

   Fast forward to my photography business. I’ve spent thousands and thousands of dollars on all kinds of equipment, classes, marketing etc.. So yes I’m scared- sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I question myself. “what the hell are you doing?” The good thing is I think about this quote-at those times.

   

   quote

    

   I have to believe that it is true. And yes in between all the shortcomings, there have been lots of highs as well- like I did go back to school and I finished my degree.

   

   Gigi finishing college

   I successfully mothered two children and have been a wife for almost 27 years.

   

   Bar Acuda

   I’m the person I am today that is a combination of all those experiences. I am resilient and if I do give up, I quickly reinvent myself and keep it moving!

   What are you afraid of? What wakes you in the middle of the night? How do you deal with your fears?

   Xoxo Gigi

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