Empty Nest Guide

Posted on May 28, 2015 by Gigi in Family 1 Comment

cate school class 2015

My nest has been sorta of empty for the past 4 years. My son started boarding school in the 9th grade and my daughter graduated college in 2012 and remained on the east coast where she is happily living in Brooklyn. Now that my son is 18, and has completed high school and will soon being going east for college there is a certain emptiness that I am feeling. Maybe it is because he is now an “adult”, and I know no one from college is going to call me if he is acting up, he will be responsible for his own decisions.

Right now he is in Cabo San Lucas with 5 other boys from his graduating class, I am counting the days until he returns. I could have said no, but I know that I cannot micro manage and part of maturing is being able to juggle and think for yourself.

Do I worry? Yes, all the time, because I know that there are so many things that can happen, but what keeps me mellow is knowing we have an open communication and both my kids know they can tell us anything- the good, the bad and the UGLY.

This summer will zoom by, August will be here soon, the game system will be retired, no more clothes on the floor, no more being “uber” mom, just the anticipated 5 word texts here and there. I will plan to be on the east coast a little more, and look forward to the winter break and maybe an occasional vacation together.

So if you too will soon be an empty nester here are a few tips.

1. Have a life or revisit a previous one.

2. Figure out a method of communication texts, phone calls, skype etc.

3. Decide on a budget for incidentals…trust me they do add up.

4. Figure out visits home- the airlines know that we want our kids home for the holidays…

5. Remind them why they are in college and that it is a privilege.

6. Explore with your new “free” time…

7. Take a class.

8. Figure out what is in the college town…good outlets, thrift stores, museums, restaurants etc.

9. Don’t compare- your kid is unique and special and everyone has their own path.

10. Find and establish your fitness and well being routine.

Happy Thursday,

Xoxo,

Gigi

more graduation pics

Reggie and grandmother

diploma

graduates

family

faculty line-good-byes

Sibling Survivor

Posted on April 6, 2015 by Gigi in Family, My Life 2 Comments

Howard Jones JR

My brother’s birthday is today. He would have turned 61. He died at the young age of 55 – my age…It has been 6 years, but it still seems at times as if it was yesterday. You never really get over a death, perhaps some are more difficult than others, I suppose, like the death of a child, but the loss is always with you. Yes, time does heal, but you never forget, especially at holidays and every birthday, they remind us that our loved one is gone.

Howard was my only brother, although we were 6 years apart we were really close. He is the reason I am a photographer. Many years ago when my kids were still little, we both started photography school together, with the thought that we would one day go into business together. My timing was off with trying to balance my family, so I attended one term and quit and he continued and became a working photographer, until his death.

When you lose a brother, there are so many connections lost, your children miss out on having a uncle, my nieces miss out on having their dad, their children miss out on having a grandfather, my mother misses out on having her only son, no mother ever expects to bury their child.

My brother lost his battle with colon cancer a few years after he was diagnosed. This ugly cancer seemed to have set up residency in my family, it started with my father, then my brother, two sisters and my 82 year-old mother. He fought it with all he had, never showing the outward signs that his body was failing him, he continued to work almost to the end. He knew he was dying so the last year before he departed he celebrated life to its fullest, ending with a family cruise with all of us to the islands.

For a while I walked in fear, feeling as if cancer was chasing me and soon it was going to attack me as well, but I finally had to let that go. I changed some things in my life, like my doctor who was the worst, always making me feel as if it was going to happen, she just didn’t know when. I lead a pretty healthy lifestyle, but there is always room for improvement, so I exercise, follow a vegetarian/vegan lifestyle, stay positive, live each day to the fullest, knowing that nothing is for certain and with all the environmental toxins that I have no control over, you just never know.

My brother lives inside of me via my photography, I know he is looking down on me smiling, now that I am carrying the torch and doing something that he loved so much. My memories of our time together never fade, I’ll never forget the time he took my friend and I to the forum to see James Brown, we were about 14 so this was a big deal, or cleaning his room for $5.00 every week, or taking my friends and I to the beach for my 16th birthday, the list goes on and on. The sad thing though, is we have no pictures together…another reason why I am obsessive about taking pictures and documenting my life with my family and friends.

Today I will reflect on his life as I go about my day, smiling as I hear my shutter click- Howard Jones JR. R.I.P.

Have you lost a sibling? How did you cope with the loss?

Happy Monday XOXO.

Gigi

self portrait #10

Start Subtracting…

18 on the 18th…Happy Birthday to my Son

Posted on November 18, 2014 by Gigi in Family Comments Off

Nov 18 1996 Gigi with dark tresses

Today my son turned 18. A milestone birthday. I know everyone says this but time really has gone by to fast. He arrived on his “due” date, I remember I dropped Amani off at school, she was in the first grade, and she said, “My brother is coming today.” I didn’t have any signs of labor that morning, so I started my day as usual, I love music, so like most days I would find a reason to stop into blockbuster music and I would listen to new releases. So I’m doing my thing and my water breaks in the store- so I ask to go to the bathroom and they tell me that there is no public restroom. I tell the clerk as water is streaming down my leg that I REALLY need to do to the bathroom or else there is going to be a mess on this floor.

So of course I picked up Amani from school like normal, called Reggie at work, this was the pre text era and went to the hospital and I birthed Reggie at 9 30ish PM and my life has never been the same.

Gigi and baby Reggie

Yes, even with being the “Olivia Pope” of the college application process, worrying about him ALL THE TIME, getting MAD at ~~some of~~ a lot of the things he does, I love this kid uncondistionally. He is far from perfect, but he is my son, and he is really more like me than I admit…

Reggie

One of my fatal flaws is doing for my kids, I can’t help it…I think about all the things I wish I could have done when I was growing up and I GO overboard…I could only dream about the traveling to the places my kids have gone. I hope for the best for my son, and I will do all I can to keep him on a path to some sort of happiness, cause at the end of the day that is what is important in this short life we all have on this planet.

Little Reggie

Today I will be driving to Santa Barbara to take my young man to dinner, 2 hours there and 2 hours back, but so worth it to see my 18 year old “man”.

Happy Tuesday,

Xoxo,

Gigi

Gigi’s son

Reggie

Reggie @ 16

Reggie feeding the Ele

When in Rome…

Posted on October 28, 2014 by Gigi in Family 3 Comments

Reggie & Reggie

My son is a senior in high school at CATE a boarding school in Carpinteria, a little sleepy beach town 20 min south of Santa Barbara. We are in the throws of the college application process, early apps are due November 1, he is doing the last of the last so we can press “submit”. So everything was going smooth until we get to the “disciplinary history” prompt.

disciplinary history prompt

Yes. My sweet angel has to answer this question. I feel bad for him, but at the same time, I’m happy that he made a poor decision at 17 as opposed to 37. I think about in this competitive college admission game how will admissions evaluate him. He is a good student, that could be stellar if he worked a little harder and a talented artist. So I know at the end of this process there will be a school for him.

So as he is struggling trying to come up with an explanation for his actions, I think about how do you explain a wrong doing? Should you be apologetic? Or matter of fact? Or just tell the story? As a mom, always trying the find the good in everything, I rationalize to myself that at least it was not stealing or cheating, just a little recreational drinking. Basically while my son was in Italy in the school year abroad program he had a drinking situation one evening and got caught. The drinking was bad enough, complicated by sneaking out and over sleeping the next morning so hence the call to us and the “disciplinary action”. Italy is very liberal when it comes to drinking, so I guess my son decided “when in Rome…”. All is well now, I know he has grown from that experience and the mere fact that he now has to explain it on his college app is a reminder to think about what you are doing.

quote

When I look back at my high school years some 30 + years ago, nothing was different- kids were drinking and doing all sorts of things, my crew was really careful and never got caught or perhaps we/they were lucky ; ).

Happy Tuesday!

Xoxo,

Gigi

Gigi and Family in Carp

Mother Daughter Connection

Posted on September 15, 2014 by Gigi in Family Comments Off

24 year-old Amani

24 years ago today my daughter entered the world and my life has not been the same. I got married at 30 and Amani was born a year later, so my life as a couple was short lived.

young mother Gigi

She went every where with us, which I know contributed to her independent spirit and the need to constantly explore. At the age of 6 weeks we took her to Hong Kong, against the advice of our pediatrician, when I think back on that time I don’t know what we were thinking.

I made sure Amani did all the things that I could only dream about – dance classes, acting, boarding school, traveling to Australia by herself at the age of 12, exposure to all the things that I thought would enrich her life. I wanted her to be this young woman who would be fearless and willing to conquer the world.

Amani

Currently living in Brooklyn, working and taking care of herself for the most part, it is nice to sit back and watch the process, to see her and observe subtle similarities of myself – like the way she tilts her head when looking in the mirror.

Amani

As time goes by I can’t help but to think about the next phase of parenting, will she marry, have children, where will she settle down, and although I pushed for this independence will it back fire in the future when perhaps I would want to live close to my children.

Gigi and Amani in Rome

For now I will be happy that both my kids still want to go on “family” vacations and as of this date, Amani has not missed one, we are connected. I will appreciate the “texts” that I get just because, and the occasional tag on instagram, and of course the rare phone call.

It is scary and exciting to see our family dynamic shift, especially with my son looking at colleges in the northeast, and Amani applying to med schools all over and Reggie and I starting the discussion of what retirement looks like for us…as I have said before I will embrace each day and savor it…

Happy Monday,

Xoxo,

Gigi

“The Manhattan”

Christmas and Thereafter

Posted on December 27, 2013 by Gigi in Family, Italy, My Life, Travel Comments Off

mi familia

The days are going by so fast and blending into each other. We have been in Italy just enough time to start adjusting to the time only to have to start packing for our trip home. A lot of bonding goes on when you are in a country where little english is spoken and there are none of the normal distractions. No phone calls, unreliable wifi most of the time, no nada, just each other, talking about everything from the future, their goals and dreams to what retirement looks like for us.

family

You bring these children into the world, but as parents we lay the foundation and express our wants and desires for them, but ultimately it is up to them to make it happen and stay on task. There is not enough “micro managing”,” helicopter mommy-ing” in the world that can make these young adults do something that they don’t really want to do. I’m sure there are many who may not agree with this, but in my 54 years here on the planet, 23 of these years being a parent and countless years observing my friends, family and numerous acquaintances raise kids, you have to just hope for the best and set the foundation, because there are no guarantees or sure set paths or formulas.

family

On this trip of no distractions we talked about everything like, “Yes you are on a nice trip doing “nice” things, but what are your going to do in your life so you too can travel?’ or “What colleges are you interested in based on your GPA?” or “How long to you plan to live in NYC on your salary?”

As I sat across from my children, I could not help but to reflect on how my family has grown up so quckly. We were blessed that everything worked out and we were able to be together. This trip made me realize how much I miss my children and the dynamics of being together as a family. I’m happy that they are both so independant but sad that they are both so far away.

This has been an unforgettable trip full of special memories. Tomorrow is our last day together, and we will all go our seperate ways hopefully to be reunited in the summer.

family

Xoxo,

Gigi

Gigi in Rome

Happy 17th Birthday Reggie!

Posted on November 18, 2013 by Gigi in Family 1 Comment

I’m of the age where the reproductive stage has certainly past. The age where some of my friends are grandmothers all ready, I was a late bloomer. 17 years ago I was in BlockBuster, cruising the aisles for new music, this was pre i tunes etc., back in the old days when you went to music stores and bought cd’s for $20. I was passing time until I had to pick up my 1st grader Amani, even though November 18th was my official due date and that morning, when I took Amani to school she said, “My brother is coming today”, for some reason I didn’t think so… So of course when my water broke, as I was listening to Toni Braxton‘s new release Un-Break my Heart trying to decide if I was going to add it to my small stack of $20.99 CDs- I knew my son would be here shortly.

I picked Amani up went home, called Reggie, btw this was pre-cell phone days, arrived at the hospital around 5 and Reggie entered the world a little before 10PM. Life has never been the same.

Nov 18 1996

This is the first time we will not celebrate Reggie’s birthday with him, he will celebrate with his classmates and his Italian family. It is an odd feeling not being together, I’m a big birthday person and I have always celebrated my kids special day. Do to the shipping situation in Italy I could not even send him a gift, just a call and a happy birthday wish, oh and an ATM deposit. Although it is so cliche, time really does go by fast, I didn’t believe it when other parents would tell me this, but oh it is so true. From the Elmo to Sponge Bob, gameboy to PS 3, i pod to i mac, Sean John to Prada, In N Out to A.O.C, it has been a blast watching you grow and develop into this eccentric guy.

So take the time and create lasting memories with your children, soon they will be young adults with their own agendas, which is a good thing. I sometimes think perhaps we should have had another baby, when that door was still slightly opened. Reggie has one more year of high school left, but he is already making plans to go east for college.

Reggie @ 16

Reggie @ 11 hiphop phase

2012 gigi & family

Happy Monday,

Xoxo,

Gigi

LIKE MOTHER LIKE DAUGHTER

Posted on October 2, 2013 by Gigi in American Life, Family, My Life 3 Comments

Gigi & Mom

Mothers

My mom will celebrate her 84th birthday on October 16th, it seems like yesterday she was a “young” woman, so different from the thin framed, white-haired lady she is today. Riverside a suburb about 45 minutes from my home is my mother’s hub, We moved there in 1977, the year I graduated from high school.

Unlike me, my mom can count the times on one hand that she has had a professional mani & pedi, she has NEVER colored her hair, obviously I can’t say the same, and I could just about own a nail shop after 30 years of appointments. She prides herself on still being able to fit all her clothes from yesteryear, proud of never being “FAT”. Reminding my sisters and I that she wore her regular clothes six weeks after giving birth.

Her favorite and only travel destination is Hawaii; Europe, Africa, Asia will have to wait to another lifetime. Most restaurants she does not like, always finding something wrong with the food, preferring her own cooking and her american folgers coffee, no cappuccinos for her. Entertaining and preparing food for large groups is her second nature, always finding a reason to have a house full, extending invitations to everyone.

I will celebrate 25 years of marriage next year, I remember vividly when my mom divorced my father in 1968 before “divorce” was fashionable. At 38, with four children in tow, ranging in ages 2-16 she moved cross country from New Jersey to Compton California, with a small savings to start a “new’ life. I was 8, and have no memory of life being difficult, she enrolled me in St. Albert a local catholic school, although on occasion I do recall being called to the office because my mom did not pay the tuition, but I certainly was not the only one. She worked numerous jobs, including being a housekeeper in Brentwood, Westwood, Palos Verdes, etc., I remember going with her sometimes wanting to help at my little age, marveling at these estates saying to myself that one day I too was going to have a big house, as I quietly observed these women giving my mom instruction “Peggy, please don’t forget to do this or that”.

Determination is what I grew up watching, seeing a mother never give up at wanting to provide a life for her children. At 40, four kids and all, she married again and had another baby, way before it was vogue to be 40+ and pregnant. She returned to school in her late 50’s and went on to complete her masters degree in Rehabilitation Counseling at the young age of 64. At 83 she is still ripping and running with the next generation, always at games, dance recitals, etc. never missing any milestones for the grandchildren. She discovered yoga in recent years and does not let anything interfere with her “zen” or her water aerobics.

Whenever I think about something being to hard or difficult, I just think about my mother’s story and keep it moving…

Happy Wednesday

XOXO,

GIGI

Reginaldo In Italia

Posted on September 9, 2013 by Gigi in Family, Italy 6 Comments

Little Reggie

A little over a week ago my 16 year old son packed all his worldly possessions in to his suitcase in preparations for his school year abroad in Italy. I chuckled as he tired to stuff as many big tennis shoes as possible in to the large bag, that I could already see was going to be overweight. We traveled to Boston to meet up with the 50 + students who had come from all over the country to catch the flight together to Rome. It was bittersweet, while I was proud of my son for taking the risk to go to another country, learn a new language, become part of an Italian family, I was still sad to see him go. I’m happy he has the intellectual curiosity to even want to do this, to step out of his comfort zone, but I know the separation will be difficult.

Reggie

The room was filled with other glassy eyed parents, listening to cautionary tales the administrators were sharing with all of us, “your child will have freedom, there are no drinking restrictions in Italy, the academic program is rigorous, there is opportunity to travel around in small groups and yes your child will probably be home sick but please don’t call them more than once a week.” After exchanging small talk with random moms who were exchanging tidbits about their kids, it was time to walk to the terminal for check in. 21 boys and 34 girls, from a variety backgrounds, a sprinkling of “brown” children which I was happy to see, all of them already forming little groups laughing with one another, most of them like my son not knowing anybody prior to that day.

departure

I remember last year when my son told me he wanted to apply to SYA (school year abroad), I was supportive, but at the same time not encouraging the process, I’m going to be honest there was a part of me that secretly thought that maybe he would not be accepted. Of course on March 15, as promised the acceptance letter arrived and I saw the biggest smile ever, his dream to study in Italy was becoming a reality. We were in Italy for the first time a few years ago and I remember Reggie said to me then “Mommy one day I am going to live here”.

Alitalia ticketing

I know this will be a transformative experience for my son and Reggie and I as a couple. We will be “empty nesters” for the next 10 months, no distractions of having a child at home to focus on, I will launch my photography shingle, and Reggie will play even more basketball. I just booked our tickets to go visit Reggie for Christmas and I had one phone call from him so far, letting me know how much he loves it there and that he can already speak Italian!

Gigi & Son

Reggie will be living in the charming city of Viterbo, located just north of Rome. SYA will celebrate 50 years of sending high school students abroad. They have four programs, France, Spain, Italy and China and summer programs as well.

SYA

Reggie promised me he would create a tumblr…no time for a real blog. So check him out at reggiechibiitalia.tumblr.com

Ciao,

GIGI

Travel Transformation-Bangkok

Posted on August 14, 2013 by Gigi in Family, My Life, Travel 4 Comments

Traveling…

The past few weeks have been emotionally charged, the unexpected death of Reggie’s brother Jimmy, complications with my son’s travel visa for Italy, my sister’s hip replacement surgery, combined with the normal challenges of day to day living. Every year we have been fortunate to go on a family holiday. We typically decide on a place, do a little research and travel in August. Last year we went to South Africa, a first for us, it was an incredible trip full of history, beautiful people, and one of the highlights was going on safari. With so many places in the world to go, we always try to pick some place new each year.

Safari Family

Travel is transforming, we leave our comfort zone and step out into the big old world, I love going to a foreign place and observing with my eyes, capturing with my lens and savoring with all my senses what this new place is about. Growing up our travel was mostly visiting other relatives, and an occasional trip to Hawaii, which I loved, because we stayed in a hotel. I have always loved discovering something new, even exploring a neighboring city can be fascinating if you take a moment and walk around like a tourist, you will be surprised with what you might see. This year we decided to go to Thailand, I have always been interested in eastern culture and love thai cooking. We wanted a trip that had city life, sprinkled with salt water in the hair, sand between the toes and some shopping thrown in for good measure. So this morning after putting on my long flight travel uniform-black lululemon yoga pant, tee shirt, my fav calypso black cashmere sweater, and a pair of “worn in” slip on wedges I was ready to go.

fav travel wedge…

I know our family trips together soon may be ending as our children start their own life journey, but I am happy for the ones we will be able to do together.

The family

Japan Air was fabulous, the first leg of the trip was 10 hours. I pre-ordered vegan meals that were really fresh and tasty, of course my son had tradistional meals, and he was pleased as well.

vegan Japan Air Meal

kid-lets fast asleep

A brief layover in Tokyo and then another 7 hours to our finally destination Bangkok. After a short ride to the city we checked into The Peninsula got settled in and of course my body clock is out of wack so I decided to post while everyone else is fast asleep. It is a little after midnight, our room is very elegant, and well appointed with buttons for everything, I’ll take a pics tomorrow.

The Peninsula

We have an early pick up at 5 am to participate in a tradition of feeding the monks and we will go to some of the famous temples. Not sure what the weather will be, it is monsoon season so I know it will be raining at times tomorrow, and the temperature will be about 95, btw read in one of my guides book that Thailand is one of the hottest places on the planet. So I guess I rest my eyes for a moment so I can be fresh for tomorrow.

XOXO,

Gigi

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